Since my last blog entry my life has completely changed. For the most part I thought that death was in inevitable part of my future, but thats slowly becoming less predominant. Except for now, but thats not important. I'm no longer with Rhys, which changes my entire life, and this blog, which I'm considering deleting seeing as I don't use it anyway. Anywho, I fucked him over and suffer the consequences.
I spend alot of time trying to decide whether or not I am evil. Maybe I was put here on earth to fuck people over, by fate its all I can do, because gosh I'm good at it. Maybe I just do it out of disrespect for myself, because I know hurting them will hurt me to start off with, and if I screw them over enough, they might make it their plan to screw me over as well. Or maybe I just have no morals, or maybe no heart, or maybe no soul...
Maybe I should take up a certain persons offer and we could die together, but hopefully that offer doesnt stand anymore and they're happy.

Well golly golly gosh. I am home alone (apart from step-brother Daniel) for two weeks. Its really quite exciting, cooking my own meals, living my own life for a while. But at the same time I'm a bit hesitant about the whole thing. It really is a bit scary. I mean, I can cook (shut up Rhys), but the fact that I really have to have dinner planned before I go to schoolis scary, and no matter what mood I'm in, I have to get things done or the birds and plants and Daniel and I will die... I'm going to need everyones support these weeks, its not going to be easy.....

I'm terribly sick, I feel awful. My nose is runny or blocked and my head is all blocked up and I get exhausted so easily. It's horrible, but at least I will get a chance to spread my disease to another lifeform this weekend, share it around, it's only fair. For I am spending the weekend with the nost perfect of creatures, my loveliest mollusc. And it will be such a glorious weekend, together at last, and if I remain sick he will have to look after me, I'm so crafty...
To the reader(s) of this blog, I hope you had a splendid Valentines Day, mine is slightly post-poned to the weekend for obvious reasons, so today was mostly uneventful for me, though my dear friend Crystal had an anonymous rose delivered to the school! Valentines Day is always a slightly difficult day, I do think the day is just a commercialised occasion used to make money, about a billion Valentine cards a sent every year, 85% of those by women (hehe). But that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the day being hopelessly in love and showing it, and hopefully having it shown to me...

But, to follow the structure of a friends blog, here is my list for my perfect guy:

1. He must be male
2. He must be born on the 23rd of june, preferably in the year prior to the one I was born in
3. He must have a five letter middle name
4. He must be breathtakingly gorgeous no matter how I cut and style his hair
5. He must look after me when I am sad, unwell, or lonely
6. He must have such a lovely smile that I could do nothing but love him when I see it
7. He must not weigh less than me (hehe)
8. He must have a wonderfully odd and pleasing sense of humour
9. He absolutely must have perfect ears, not big, not flappy, small and neat on his head
10. He must treat me like a woman, but not like I'm useless, just with care and respect
11. He must be caring to everyone in any situation, and want to help them in any way possible
12. He must be willing to share himself and show me his soul, be open with me
13. He must be able to make me smooch and smile, even at 5:30am
14. He must hold me so wholly that everything good about the world is encapsuled between us, and all that we hear is the beating of each others hearts and the feel of their breathing on our skin
15. He must be as in love with me, to want to share his life and every part of him with me, and be ecstatic to spend every second of every day with me, as I do with him

I have been most lucky to find this person, and if it were possible I would never let him out of my sight. If you managed to have the most perfect being to ever grace the world with its presence, as in love wth you as you are with him, there is no way you would let it go.

Gosh this week has been busy, sort of glad its over, but it was a great week. Monday I just managed to pull myself out of bed for school to find out about a little birthday gathering we were having for my lovely now 17 year old on Tuesday. So, on Tuesday I dragged myself out of bed even earlier to pack a bag to stay the night. Wednesday thank god was the swimming carnival, so I had the day off and went to the Bay, coming home to pack my bag to go off to Wollongong on Thursday for a Uni Discovery day. That was a great day, got back about 7pm friday night, only to go out for dinner with some family friends at 7:30. Today has been more relaxed, just went to town to watch some local bands play this afternoon.
BUT, all this has seriously taken my mind off getting my hugely effort requiring essay done for english this Tuesday. Which is what I should be doing now but I'm too...busy....

Discovered a brilliant new band at the uni, they played during he lunch break. "The Reason", a Sydney band, have played with Irrelevant-another Sydney band, but have a slightly different style for anyone who knows either band. There is much less screaming, which is nice, only a scratchy quality of the lead singers voice that comes through sometimes. Oh and the Bass player had the best ever tattoo, it was a Bass clef with the stave going right around his leg (between his knee and ankle).

I apologize for the uninteresting nature of this blog, but nothing personal is really happening at the moment, except for Valentines Day, on which I'm not going to see my most beloved one. He has got to be the most brilliantly perfect person to ever walk the earth, just read the Hannah Rose entry here to understand. Hopefully I will see him the weekend afterwards, hopefully.

TEN MONTHS! That is how much longer I must live under this suppression, under the rule of the mighty evil - the parent(s). I can't handle being used as a slave any longer, its rediculous. I walk into the kitchen near dinner time and get told off for not helping with dinner, when the only reason I wasnt is because I have been ON THE ROOF removing the christmas lights for them. You know, the lights that no-one else has been able to find time to remove, even in the two weeks I was away and they were all on holidays. But then the most evil witch who has just been telling me how frazzled she is because no one has been helping her (and how I should have been) has her most wonderfully perfect husband come in who is of course treated like God and shouldn't be expected to help her!
I am counting down the days until they leave me, temporarily unfortunately. But at least it will be two weeks of peace while they flit off for a fortnight alone together in Tasmania, which they changed to the day after my brothers birthday instead of a few days before (only because they couldnt get on a boat for that day).

Me and so many people around me are feeling the pressures of Year 12 life pretty strongly. I'm trying not to get too stressed out about it, and I'm doing pretty well, better than a lot of other people, but the physical lugging around textbooks in the boiling hot and getting up early etc etc etc is taking its toll. Two days in a row I have come home completely stuffed with a giant headache. But all you Year 12 people, just think!! In only a matter of months, we will be free, to do what we please, where we please, when we please! Most people already know my plans, to be doing what I please, where I please, when I please, all with my most gorgeous wonderful love. And that thought alone will keep me excited enough to power through this year.

Now I have reached a complete moral blockade. As far as drinking goes, I'm really past it at the moment. I'm realising what it actually does to people. I mean, being drunk can sometimes be fun at the time, but it leaves you feeling like shit afterwards, with a lot fewer braincells, makes you do stupid thinks you regret, creates big problems with parent and family relationships, and leaves you open to all sorts of dangers whilst you are drunk. Now, I ask, is it really worth it? Is it really worth the possibility of having fun, when its completely possible to have much healthier and safer fun sober? My answer recently has been No, dont drink, and I havent, and it hasnt been a big deal. But talking to friends who are more entering the phase of wanting to drink, which I have already been through, I come across as a party-pooper, and whinger, and I suppoes thats slightly what I am, but its them I worry about too, thinking of all the situations that drinking has landed me in, I dont want to see them in those situations. But I also dont want to be the bored patronising sober person at gatherings. So, I have come up with another solution.

Responsible drinking. Unfortunately this is something I have often come up with, and attempted, but it hasnt really worked, I still have ended up much too drunk. But thinking about it, if I have really decided inside myself that this is more fun that being maggot and spewing everywhere, whats to make me drink more? Generally its something happening when I'm already drinking that makes me upset, angry, or feel awkward that makes me continue drinking with the idea in mind of getting blind, and I'm not that person with all those problems anymore. I have a new mindset now, and I should be able to successfully responibly drink. Its not drinking that I really have a problem with, its getting disgracefully drunk.

If you want information about drinking and the problems it does actually cause, look at this.

SAVE THE WHALES! What the Japanese whalers are doing is disgraceful. And check the supermarket for Sealord products, and if you see them DON'T BUY THEM!!! That is a New Zealand company 50% owned by the Japanese Whalers!
AND - If you think you can relax because we are Australians and we are fine, read this. WE are as bad with our coal as Japan is with their whales. Because of us, ONE THIRD of all species on Earth are likely to be extinct by 2050. It is no longer a matter of the world we leave for our children, its going to affect us.

You should also just browse the site and see how else we are killing the world.